December 3, 2000
Well, the holiday season is in full swing. Decorations are up. Last night's party turned out very nice. And all of my shopping is done early! I'm actually looking forward to Christmas this year, a first in a long time. Normally I have to find the holiday spirit... this year it found me! Last Christmas was sad...and strange.... or rather I was given very strange things. But I smiled and oooohed and ahhhed... how do you tell someone their gift sucks?! I know it's the thought that counts.... but you can tell when there was no thought in choosing a gift. Anyway, I'll be quite busy from now until the end of the year.... Happy Holidays.
November 21, 2000
Some people are just way too paranoid. Sorry, but the world does not revolve around you!!! Most of us have much better things to do. *yawn* XOXOXOXOX!
November 11, 2000
November 7, 2000
Pantera/Kittie CANCELLED?!?!? Well, until March 29th........ *pout*
November 3-6, 2000
VACATION!!! :-) Gulf Shores, AL (pictures) more
October 22, 2000
BOO!
October 14, 2000
A young girl was trudging along a mountain path, trying to reach her grandmother's house. It was bitter cold, and the wind cut
like a knife. When she was within sight of her destination, she heard a rustle at her feet.
Looking down, she saw a snake. Before she could move, the snake spoke to her. He said, "I am about to die. It is too cold for
me up here, and I am freezing. There is no food in these mountains, and I am starving. Please put me under your coat and take
me with you." "No," replied the girl. "I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. If I pick you up, you will bite me, and your bite is poisonous."
"No, no," said the snake. "If you help me, you will be my best friend. I will treat you
differently. "The little girl sat down on a rock for a moment to rest and think things over. She looked at the beautiful marking on the snake
and had to admit that it was the most beautiful snake she had ever seen.
Suddenly, she said, "I believe you. I will save you. All living things deserve to be treated with kindness."
The little girl reached over, put the snake gently under her coat and proceeded toward her grandmother's house. Within a
moment, she felt a sharp pain in her side. The snake had bitten her. "How could you do this to me?" she cried. "You promised that you would not bite me if I would protect you from the bitter
cold." The snake hissed, "You knew what I was when you picked me up," and slithered away.
October 4, 2000
Busy... busy... no time to chat. But of course I'm busy being the 'angel'
I always am.
September 4, 2000
The best free show? The Shrimp and Petroleum Festival, rated #1 in Louisiana four years and counting...this rocked.
August 29, 2000
Hm. What have I been doing? I've been busting my ass learning 20 new pieces of music for our first concert performance in December. Plus- working, aerobics, dinners, movies, concerts, bands, hanging out, drinking, making love, going out, singing, shopping.... What used to be my first thoughts of the day are now my last. I'm not really sure what that means, but it's definitely a good thing. It feels very odd when those old thoughts creep up on me me. I just say to myself 'Oh Yeah, I Remember You,' and I keep on going. Maybe it's the drugs, maybe not.. but it's been fun! Don't forget ~ MILK it does a body good! ;-)
August 18, 2000
Tim, don't spill your beer!
August 14, 2000
Perfect day in the Quarter. Great seats, great show, great company!
August 10, 2000
People will forget what you said, people will forget what
you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
July 28, 2000
That was the best first-kiss-moment EVER. *smiling*
July 24, 2000
I love it when the sky grows dark and the wind begins to blow just before a summer storm. I love the sound of rain falling on tin. I love heat of the sweltering sun. This soothing feeling is new to me. Everything is the same, but so very different. I've found something....
July 15, 2000
'X-Men' was cool!
July 12, 2000
TIMMMAAAAY!!! (have you been watching your SOUTHPARK?!?)
June 24, 2000
I said goodbye to some precious things today. I felt the sweetness melt within my soul as I slid them in a box. My heart was
grazed with such a feathery soft touch that left a damaging permanet scar. My life will never be the same. The memories of
having hopes and beliefs sent daggers through my happy thoughts. Have you ever felt the warmth of light flow through your
veins... or felt completness on a level known only to you... or felt your were living for the first time. And with every breath you
could feel your life fill the room. You feel a warm cooling with in yourself....as if drenched with liquid glass as the sun gleams on
your smooth surface. The world is at your feet, and you are too oblivious to realize it....until it is gone.
June 11, 2000
Alcohol is evil I tell you.. evil!
June 10, 2000
I needed that. I actually had more fun today than I have had in a very long time. I often have these inner awakenings during moments of clarity. In
the middle of whatever it is I'm doing, these thoughts just fall from nowhere. I just
wish that I knew how to put them into full effect! It's always easier to give advice
to others than to take your own. How I feel can't be helped, but what I do about
them can. It just seems I am fighting a lone uphill battle, with no end in sight.The heaviness of
sadness crushes my inner self to the point where I feel nothing. But who cares but me, right? Today/tonight was good...and that's all that matters.
June 5, 2000
I don't know where it came from, but all of a sudden it was there. As if it had been there sleeping all along and sudenly the
beauty of the stars had awakend it. It was 3 am, clear skies, a warm breeze, and just me. The knowledge apeared before me
in a vision, as if I were observing myself. The answer is always clear when you are looking in from the outside. Anything you
feel is worth fighting for.... shouldn't be a struggle at all. It should just...... be. I've often thought that how much you hurt was in
relation to how much you cared. When actually, it should never hurt at all.....
May 23, 2000
"SUCK" Kittie
Free From The Sun. In The Dark I Am None. Though My Heart Sinks Like That
One, I Am Told.
Respect Nothing! Not This Love. Falling Further in This Motherfucking Hole!
Believe Me, Believe Me, Believe Me When I Say you suck.
You Disgust Me When You bring Me Down. But though My Heart Says I Will Die
Without YOU!
Respect Nothing! Not This Love. Falling Further In This Motherfucking Hole!
Believe Me When I Say You Suck. oh fuck!
Believe Me, Believe Me, Please Believe Me, When I Say, When I Say, When I
Say, When I... Say
FUCK YOU, YOU THINK ITS ALL FUNNY (3x)
FUCK YOU. Like I Said
FUCK YOU, YOU THINK ITS ALL FUNNY (3x)
FUCK YOU!
May 11, 2000
Guess what? Fuck you. Happy now?
May 9, 2000
What contempt, adoration, anger, and confusion...sprinkled with such sadness and despair.
May 7, 2000
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Often such beauty is felt, not seen. Would you say beauty is felt by the beholder? The experience of beauty is far greater than the sense of sight. To be seen is momentarily, but to be felt is timeless. If only it were as simple as diverting your eyes to free your heart of the longing left behind…..
April 24, 2000
Yesterday would have been day 45 with no rain.
April 23, 2000
I just realized I've lost the one thing I believed in. Lost... no, it was taken from me.
April 9, 2000
Words, phrases keep repeating themselves in my head like an echo. And the feelings that come with them won't go away. I really hate it when everything I do is belittled and disregarded. I'm not a self centered person, so maybe I just don't understand selfishness. I could never slight anyone in need. And I don't grasp why it's done to me. Especially when one thing I seek is simply support.
April 8, 2000
There are certain songs that touch me deeply, but I cannot bear to listen to them. Movies I love but I cannot endure to watch. To catch a glimpse of the clear blue sky on a sunny day is pure bittersweet beauty. 'Happy feeling' memories make me sad because they are gone. Why are the things I love always tainted by the hurt?
April 7, 2000
Disappointment isn't exactly what I feel, but it's the only word I can think of that even comes close. But what do words mean? Nothing with out actions to support them. I believed, and I gave what I thought was deserved. Hard to admit, but I was wrong. Or perhaps in denial. The truth has been seen. As much as I don't want it to, the resentment burns…
P.S. I must bid farewell to two dear friends…. Annette 'Sugar' and Brent 'Commish'. Thanks for the great times, the laughs, making 'that place' bearable, and the memories. Good luck and all that shit… you will be missed…
April 1, 2000
Just thinking… Solitude is a treasure at times, a curse at others. There is only so much I can handle with out help. I don't know how I managed to fall into this 'void' that I am in right now. I am able to appreciate much beauty around me, yet a dull ache lingers in the absence of what is needed most. At a time in my life when I ask for strength and support, it has vanished. I want to be proven wrong, but I am never wrong. The only person you can truly depend on is yourself.
March 31, 2000
Very seldom do I believe in something completely. My trust is earned, not given. Once gained, selfish I will never be. To be denied the comfort and support I seek - after giving so freely - is a betrayal of my loyalty.
March 24, 2000
Trust builds with time, or so I believed. I don't understand the reasoning behind it. It's either yes or no. Either I am, or I am not. There is no if. No sometimes. For I would share your tears, feel your pain, bend till I break, till there's no more to give, whatever it takes. I would never any give less, so to accept any less would be betraying myself. Give me all or give me nothing
March 19, 2000
Impossible as it may seem, if it's real, some things are supposed to be unconditional. It appears I'm alone in that theory.
March 12, 2000
In light of recent events and words, I almost wiped this slate clean for 2000. But some of these thoughts and feelings shall never leave me, no matter how desperately I deny them. Ignorance is bliss. The truth that fell from time has left me ... in a state of oblivion. I know now where I stand ... and all you see here, is all I am...and all I have. As to what I must do now, I am at a total loss. Oh ~ and for some reason I just can't take that Kid Rock CD off of repeat.
February 14, 2000
I wonder what ever became of my ring
February 11, 2000
There is a girl whose dream is sealed in a glass box that lingers just out of her reach. She sees what wonderful things are inside it and aches to open it. It is the first thing she thinks of in the morning and the last at night. Every now and then the box topples open into her hands and she is able to touch and experience the joy that is kept sealed within the glass. But it soon closes and returns out of her reach for it truly belongs to no one. So she sits and waits for her chance. She counts the minutes and the hours as she watches the box with her heart for any sign that it may want her too. Soon waiting for the box to call to her becomes her life. Those moments embracing what's in the box are all that matter. Afraid of shattering the happiness, she never dares to touch the glass on her own. Hoping that fate will lead it fall into her hands and realize it fits there. Experiencing that brief moment of bliss is worth all the pain and time spent waiting. Or is it? Are the scarce minutes of happiness worth all the sadness that precede them?
January 31, 2000
A 90 second conversation this afternoon has haunted me all night and left me feeling........ sad. 'That's the best way and that's the best kind' she said. Maybe so... but it's so very hard. Seemingly impossible at times, but yet the answer lies right in
front of me. Unthinkable and untouchable, but it's there.
January 17, 2000
I pretend sometimes, hoping it will become reality. If you tell yourself something is true, after a while won't it become real? I have so much that I want -need- to say. I'm not sure how, or even where to start. Or even who will hear me? My perception of things seems to be distorted due to my personal interest. Chances are what I want to say wouldn't be right because of that. But then again, who is to say my point of view is wrong? I need an objective opinion.
January 15, 2000
There are days when I think about nothing. Then there are days when I think about everything. Today was one of them. What is everything? Just that...... Everything that has happend to me. Everything that I love. Everything that makes me smile. Everything that makes me cry. Everything that I want to do. Everything that makes me worry. Everything that I wish were different.
January 7, 2000
I haven't slept in days. I often welcome a deep dreamless sleep because in the blackness, you feel nothing. Is it better to feel pain or to feel nothing? At least if you are bleeding you know you are alive and living. But I don't know why I bother to care about anything. In spite of everything I try to do, I'm just sitting here drowning by myself. It would be so much easier to feel nothing all the time.
January 1, 2000
Well, Y2K has arrived with out many bugs. It's a new year, a new millennium (yeah, I know there was no year "00" but fuck it). What can I say about 1999 that hasn't been said already? A lot has happened. It was quite an eventful interesting year. Now it's time to start over, start fresh..... again. What will the year 2000 bring? I know what I want more than anything. Will the pieces ever fall into place? Will I find my key to unlock what I want out of life? I hope so. Stay tuned....
